Matt Hampel | matth.org

The benefit of living in U of M Student Housing is being around people I know and like. But there comes a point when we all want the responsibility and humanity of being in a home — a place where the rooms aren’t always locked, where you can cook dinner, paint your room, and where you don’t get “written up” for playing your music. University Housing doesn’t offer that — and that’s why we all leave.

At the end of year 1, nearly everyone who doesn’t become a Resident Adviser moves out. University of Michigan Housing wonders why — and wants to encourage students to stay.

Well, here’s why we’re leaving:

• The building feels like a hotel. Like an Econolodge, I have to insert my card and type a PIN number into my door, which then automatically locks after five seconds. Unlike an Econolodge, I pay $9,770 a year, not including laundry and other extras. And a “year” isn’t 12 months — it’s eight.
• No or inconvenient common spaces. Some residence halls have tiny, locked rooms. Others have big, empty rooms that require the keycard and a four-digit PIN number. Neither have entertainment systems of any kind.
• Rooms and common spaces do not have wireless internet, so we can’t go work with our friends. Only the Halfass (the cafe, downstairs) and the Benzinger library has wireless — the first is always filled with loud, the second generally so quiet you can’t work well with others. Not even the computer lab has wireless.
• The RC recently held its 40th anniversary, and hundreds of alumni returned. Housing administration refused to unlock the doors, citing “security reasons” (see the next point). The RC ended up hiring a private guard for the entire weekend.
• Building security is a joke. We have to swipe cards to get into the building, the library, the computer lab, and “our” rooms. But one door to the building was unlocked for over a month, allowing anyone free access. Repeated requests for maintenance were ignored. And if someone is waiting at any door, any student will let them in. It’s common courtesy — a facet of civilization that Housing Security wants us to refuse. (The four-digit PIN we need to key into our rooms is not actually secure. It is stored on the card — so if you have someone’s card, you have their PIN.)
• Having Housing Security patrol your “home” is alienating — especially when it’s a different armed officer every night. The officer never attempts to introduce him or herself, either. And how could they, when over 900 people live in the same building?
• No public kitchen space. Cooking is a bonding activity, entertaining, and a learning experience. But Housing purposefully removed the community kitchens from East Quad.
• Students who work in the Cafeteria are not allowed to cook. Actually, they are, if putting frozen vegetables in the steamer counts as cooking.
• The Halfass (our student-run burger joint) once had a unique, alternative menu. Now it has been standardized to have the same institutional fare as the other dorms.
• You can’t take your food from the cafeteria outside to eat. It used to be possible. I tried — even offered to give my MCard as collateral. No go.
• No running water in rooms. Some rooms have sinks left — but when they break, Housing removes them, instead of fixing them.
• Housing staff would rather deny than allow, and administration fights with the programs it is intended to serve. Desk staff and building administrators are generally kind, caring, and compassionate. But the next level up — Housing administration — defaults to denying any request.
• Bathrooms are locked 24-7 (the access card and 4-digit pin are needed to enter). What home has locked bathrooms?
• The facilities reflect their military origins (East Quad, for example, was once a military dormitory). Stall toilets, stall showers.
• All areas are poorly lit. The bathrooms especially — and you can see the patch holes in the wall were lights once existed.
• Prohibited items, a partial list: (how many of these do you have in your home?)
  • wireless networks and wireless network hardware
  • routers
  • hardware firewall
  • candles, incense, oil lamps—lit or unlit
  • coffeemakers without an automatic shutoff
  • halogen lamps or bulbs (all types, including clip-on, torchiere and desk styles)
  • hot plates or any cooking appliance with exposed elements
  • natural, cut trees, branches and/or greens (such as holiday trees, wreaths and garlands)
  • pets, except some fish
  • space heaters
  • toaster ovens
  • toasters
• Residents are not involved in any real administrative functions. The student “government” only hosts parties. Real involvement would mean a seat — and a vote — on the Housing board.
• We are told to “eat healthy” — but the standard meal plan doesn’t even include a simple breakfast.
• Residents used to be able to paint their rooms, creating memories and a connection to the space. No longer. (other colleges allow this, provided that the student either finds someone to accept the room next year, repaints the room themselves, or pays for the repaint)

Many of the complaints I have are against policies that are quite reasonable for a massive, profitable hotel operation. They are not, however, the values of a home. And that’s where the fundamental difference between Housing and the Real World of Living exists.

(historical photos: Kitchen space: John Knox, used under a Creative Commons license; Old Halfass menu: my photo)